With clenched fists, I scream at the dark side of the moon.

A good friend recently said to me, “You’re so nice, are you really just a serial killer in disguise?”  The answer is no, I’m not a serial killer.  Nor am I any nicer than anyone else.  Trust me.  I’m very skilled in the art of “assholery.”  I grew up in a family that helped me hone the skill; I’m human and a lawyer.  Yes, that last piece was my attempt at a lawyer joke.  Anyhow, the more I thought about the question, the more I wanted to try to address it.  Yes, I do make an effort to be nice even when I all want to do some days is climb up onto a building with a bullhorn and scream at the world “just shut the hell up.”  Instead, being nice is my way, with clenched fists, of screaming at the dark side of the moon.  What follows is what I mean by that.

Many years ago the life of someone in my family was stolen at the hands of darkness.  I won’t talk about the details, so don’t ask me.  Also, whatever you do, don’t pity me or my family.  That is not the point of this blog.  Instead, please listen to what I’m trying to say in the context of your own dark times.   We all have had them to one degree or another.  It’s part of our human existence.  No one escapes it.  What matters is how you let it affect you.  It’s that old cliché, you can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.

Right after this thing happened, I remember thinking about how it felt like an out of body experience.  It was as if I was on the outside of the world watching these unbelievable events unfold.  Was it a bad dream that we’d all wake up from?  In the end it wasn’t just a bad dream.  I watched the people around me start to come undone.  What occurred to me was that there was something worse than having a life stolen at the hands of darkness.  The thing that’s worse is losing one’s spirit while continuing to walk around in a body still alive.  The thing that did the stealing was human darkness.  I define that darkness as anger, rage, fear, loneliness, ignorance, pettiness, jealously, meanness, indifference, cruelty, the list goes on.  It’s like living on the dark side of the moon.  As human beings, we’re all capable of it every single day.  But, we’re also capable of kindness, humility, grace, joy, learning, love, creating beauty; this list goes on as well.  My effort to foster these later things in my life is a way of saving my spirit and happiness from the hands of darkness.  I clench my fists and scream at the dark side of the moon that it can’t have me or my family.  Some days I’m better at it than others.  But in the end, as I walk down this wonderful amazing road of life, all I want to be is the best human being that I’m capable of so that I might make a positive difference in this world and the lives of the people I love the most.  That’s what matters to me.  Peace.



21 thoughts on “With clenched fists, I scream at the dark side of the moon.

      • By the way, “That is all” was not meant to imply that I ain’t givin’ ya nuthin else.

        Just, you know, love and light…that is all I can send you in return for the love and light you put forth.

        (I realized much later that what I typed might not have been perceived the way I meant it.)

      • It didn’t come across that way at all. Not to worry. Have a great weekend and thanks for the love and light. Right back at you.

  1. you absolutely speak the truth and you have found the other side of darkness. It’s a good thing that you do. Don’t stop. And we all love the smiles you give us.

  2. You’re not only nice, you’re the best, Bev. I’m glad you and your books are making the world better. I think you should also credit Lilliput – she keeps you in line. Hugs!

  3. Well said, my friend. Light and dark, and sometimes we can choose. Remember always, that you carry a piece of light with you on your journey. Some of us are lucky to have seen it and reflect its glow.

  4. As you know, Bev, I’ve been faced with a lot of darkness these past 18 months. It’s hard… but I’ve tried to do the same. I found myself simply putting one foot in front of the other in an effort to go on. And I’ve depended on my faith and the love that surrounds me–especially Phyllis’s. God bless.

  5. Thanks you, Bev, for finding and showing us your bright side of the moon. It’s a great incentive and encouragement for those who are struggling to find and stay on the bright side, and a great joy for those who manage to do it (or at least not let the dark side get the best) to share the light with you.
    Radiant mooning to you! 😉 😀

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