Naked Connections

As much as I enjoy the physical state of being naked, that is not what this blog is about.  However, to set the stage for the points I hope to make, let’s start with physical naked.  For those who regularly watched Seinfeld in its heyday, remember the episode about “good versus bad naked?”  Besides being funny, it totally rang true for me.  For me, good naked, or should I say really excellent naked, is sacred and reserved for that person who I trust every nook and cranny of my body and heart to.  In my case, it’s my spouse of 23 years.  Vulnerability and trust are at the heart of what makes a naked connection not only good, but transcendent.  It’s that moment when you give everything and receive everything that matters…vulnerability, trust and love.

Of course, when vulnerability, trust and love are exploited and broken, naked is definitely not good.  Therein lies the rub.  I suspect most would agree that a physical naked connection with a person you are willing and not afraid to share all of you with is one of the greatest pleasures in life.  It definitely is for me.  But finding that person involves risk that sometimes leads to heartbreak, or “bad naked.”  We risk it anyway, because on balance, getting to “good naked” is always worth the risk.

Where, at least for me, physical naked connections are reserved for my spouse, learning to make naked emotional connections with people I trust has helped me to become a more emotionally free and gentle person.  To illustrate what I mean by a “naked” emotional connection, a few select synonyms for the word naked are uncovered, unwrapped, unsheathed, open, undisguised, unadulterated, plain, simple and obvious.  It means being honest and open to honesty.  Most of us, myself included, do not go through life with our hearts exposed like that.  We cover who we are in protective layers designed to keep people at bay.  We do it to protect old wounds, to guard against new ones and sometimes to run from our own truths.  Not only do we not let other people in, we lose track of the essence of who we are and become incapable of making “naked” emotional connections.  We walk around covered in layers that keep us from what we all want and need most.  Connections that allow us to love and be loved, no matter what.

Lack of connection with other people stunts our growth as human beings.  We lose the ability to let ourselves be vulnerable and trust.  We close the door on having moments of transcendent emotional naked connections with other human beings.  It creates a lonely stark existence especially in times of need when having friends who love you know matter what makes all the difference in the world.  But you can’t get there without making emotional connections, and that involves risk.

The reality, however, is that you can’t trust everyone and not everyone will love you no matter what.  Human nature is messy and one needs to be careful of that actuality. The protective layers covering our hearts do serve a purpose in that they protect us from those who would exploit our vulnerabilities and use trust as a weapon.  We all have and use those protective layers, but they make getting to know someone enough to make “naked” emotional connections nearly impossible.  Electronic connections through social media often complicate things even more because we miss out on clues to a person’s heart by not being able to interact with them face to face.

But here’s the flip side.  Taking the risk to know people and letting them know you results in friendships that stand the test of time.  When the dust of life settles, they are the ones by your side.  They will be there for you when you need them most.  They will love you no matter what, inspire and give you purpose.  I’ve mentioned before that I don’t believe in a god.  I intend to blog about that in the near future.  In the meantime, I’m mentioning it here because what I believe in is us and that on our little blue planet, all we have is us.  That’s why authentic human connection is so important.

Since I’ve started writing, I find myself shedding layers and letting people in.  Yes, there’s risk of being stung.  It’s a risk I’m willing to take because I’ve made so many great connections with people I wouldn’t have otherwise.  People who inspire me with their kindness and authenticity.  I’m grateful for these new friendships.  They have made my world that much brighter.

Speaking of just a few those new friends, Cheri the Rev, Nikki and Andy over at Cocktail Hour Productions are among the most authentic ladies I’ve met this past year.  I’m honored to be part of their family with a show called “Barbell.”  If you don’t know who they are, check out the shows over at

Have a great weekend, make a few friends, and “eat healthy, keep moving, manage stress and own it.”  Peace.


29 thoughts on “Naked Connections

  1. What a beautiful, beautiful piece of writing. Phyllis and I are the same. 🙂 “Vulnerable” is one of Phyllis’s favorite words. Thank you so much, Bev, for sharing. God bless.

    • I adore you both and treasure your friendship. I totally believe that with time, people speak for themselves about who they really are. What I know you and Phyllis to be are two lovely genuine special ladies that I am honored to call my friends. Have a super weekend and hugs to “THE” lovely Phyllis. I’m looking forward to seeing you both in June. Safe travels.

      • Thank you, Bev… we treasure your friendship as well. Phyllis said she can’t wait for a hug from you and for you to “play with her hair.” LOL! Her words! You have a great weekend too… we’ll see you NEXT MONTH! Yay1

  2. Sweet.
    My auntie used to say I am a woman of few words, and I believe she was right, but I’m peeling back a layer to say thank you. This blog really is sweet. … and naked.

  3. Wonderful blog, Bev. I’m one of those people who keep a tight, protective cover over my heart and let very few people far enough inside to see the real me. I’ve gotten better about taking the risks, though, and it has paid off. I have about a dozen people in my life who I trust and feel comfortable enough to shed those protective barriers.

    I think I’m pretty good at seeing someone’s true nature pretty quickly. It’s taken a lot of years to learn to see people as they truly are and not as they tell me they are, if you know what I mean. You, Andy, and Nikki make it easy for me to show my softest, most vulnerable parts. I trust you to call me on my bullshit if I need it (Nikki is particularly good at this) but to do it in a gentle way that won’t hurt and I know that if I need some support or guidance, you’ll be there. And I hope that I’m able to provide the same things.

    So there.

    • Thanks, Rev. And yeah, I definitely know what you mean. I’m really glad that I met you this year and that we have become friends. It’s a deal about the “bullshit.” I’m looking forward to seeing you in June and getting to know you even better of the course of the coming year. Have a great rest of the evening. You rock, and that’s no bullshit. 🙂

  4. Beautiful, heartfelt blog, Bev. And you are so very right–living authentically and honestly attracts to you other people who do the same. Yes, there are risks. Learning discernment is one of life’s great lessons. Trusting your heart and intuition to know the difference between honest, real folk and others takes time and practice. And yes, mistakes get made along the way. In my lifetime I’ve had more reasons/experiences than most to keep those protective layers in place–to lock myself away and stay in that place of caution and keeping everyone at arm’s length. But I steadfastly refuse to do that. instead, I practice and hone my discernment skills every day. IMHO, living from/in your heart is very freeing and well worth the effort. After all, how would I get to know wonderful people like you otherwise?

  5. Bev, these are thoughts that have bounced around in my mind for years. You’ve put together a blog that lines everything up neatly for true soul-inspection. Entirely and succinctly – you made very important points. Sometimes I think uncovering the heart is a truly lost art. Amazing, and excellent – are two words I have rarely used in the same sentence. This blog is amazing and excellent.

    • Thanks, Kieran. You know I love you. You are the BEST adopted mom ever. Have a great evening and thanks so much for your friendship. It really means a lot. 🙂

  6. Bev i think this is my favorite of your blogs ; )
    And i love all your blogs but for me this one is exceptional …
    i’ve been on my own naked path for the last few years but lately i’ve been… wavering
    side stepping some uncomfortable truths
    thank you for reminding me of what is essential and intrinsically my own naked path
    …jaynes ; )

    • You inspire me, Jaynes. Keep on keeping on. Don’t worry about the wavering. It happens to all of us. Just keep moving. Have a super evening and hope to see you in June.

    • Aw, thanks MAF. You’re pretty bright yourself. Thanks for stopping by to let me know that you enjoyed the blog. Thanks for all that you do for our lesfic family. It’s very much appreciated. Cheers to you.

  7. Bev, what a wonderfully superb Blog, your insights, inspire.

    However may I offer a dissent, to your word order at the end of the first paragraph. Without Trust in oneself, one cannot gain trust in or have others gain that Trust in oneself. Vulnerability, is difficult to achieve, without, such Trust. And the opening to Love, cannot come, except through, that Vulnerability.

    Have a Great Week. Eileen

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